Long pauses seem characteristic of lazy bloggers like me. Anyway, I've had a lot of questions about pretty much everything and if you've read any of my posts, you would've noticed them.
Lots of people choose to believe that I'm not a romantic, this is not true. So untrue, that it offends me. Romanticism is the sheer reason for existence. Every cheesy thing from early morning dew to little children with cotton candy makes my heart weak yes. But relationships make my knees very strong and send me running in the opposite direction.
I've never understood relationships. Really.
Ever since I was a little child, my family harbored the typical south indian virtues about louwe,lust and sex. When there was a kissing scene, or the lead roles were getting it on on HBO, my parents would diligently switch to another channel. Ofcourse, this didn't hamper my understanding of any of the three, but it didn't help either. Soon, as we grew up, people began going out. On dates that didn't even make sense. Coffee Days and Pizza Huts became places to fall in love. And geeky boys still recovering from dental fillings became Ken replacements.
I've always been of the opinion that we never grew up. We're still kids, who want cliques to fit into, fancy costumes to wear and play the roles of people we are not.
Somehow noone listens to me.
Recently, a list of developments have made me ponder over the how and why of relationships.
And I've arrived at a conclusion - that the ones in relationships don't want to be in them and the ones that aren't in them are dying to be in them.
All this hormone fueled confusion can be attributed to the scores of fairy tales with mysterious happy endings and movies with people riding off into the sunset without once telling us what happened after the screens went down.
Did Snow White and Prince charming have any kids? Or did they not agree upon the speed of the relationship and thus broke up in due course? How did they maintain the relationship forever? were there any magical potions that could subvert the arguments ? What about the extra-marital affairs? Did they fight over football and fashion? My head whizzes with questions.
And as we grew up and graduated from cartoons to movies, the latter was not much help either, always telling us that love was the sole aim of life. First we lapped it up with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and DDLJ, then it sorta just didn't make sense.
Just imagine what we would have perceived of relationships then?
A girl would look at a guy and wait for some song to start playing in your head. If that happened you were in love. Little did we know that our hormones were responsible. Once you were in love, you would humiliate yourself in public by singing horrible excuses for music and expect reciprocation, once that also followed you'd pick up two carnations and play mock duel with them.
But! We grew up. And, we learned that relationships aren't any of the cheesy things written above - They are about sitting across from your girlfriend at a cafe and staring at her for hours hoping that she would consent to make out with you soon.
In my opinion relationships go through phases.
Phase 0 : This is the "just dating" phase, people in this phase have it good. they don't do anything. Which is why it is good.
Phase A : The Flowery Phase. This is the phase where people really,truly,madly believe in the existence and the possibility of magical louwe. Even if they said yes cause they had nothing better to do. :D
Phase B: The Serious Phase
During this phase the real strength of a relationship can be judged, if you're just dating you aren't even in a relationship and this post has nothing to do with you after this point and you may stop reading (because the ones that will continue reading hate you and might just kill you). This is the phase where you have to keep saying "I love you". Where you have to ensure you don't forget an anniversary even if it's the 4 week anniversary or the anniversary of the first time you ate Gobi Manchurian together. If you are a friend of people in this phase you should change numbers or addresses during this period if you don't want constant reminders about the first time people ate kachoris.
Also this phase is where couples start bickering and fighting and friends have to take sides. My sincere advice to the friends, keep your mouth shut. Especially when the fight is about pointless bullshit like their matching t-shirts or who looked at who.
Phase C: The Facebook Phase
This is the most dreadful phase. This is where people start making bedroom comments on social networking sites, people in the relationship should carefully edge around this phase, if you refuse to participate you would be the recipient of "Are you ashamed of me ?", if you're too eager to participate then "This is moving too fast".
In either case you should realise there is this thing called privacy settings that should be set to only the two of you so people like me don't find you and claw your faces off.
Phase F:
The Break up Phase.
I've skipped the intermediary phases cause those are subject to if and when your spouse/girl/boyfriend will sleep with you, so you can figure that out on your own.
The break up phase is self explanatory and generally starts out as a reaction to all the fights that would have happened during the course of the relationship. In my opinion, the break up phase is probably the easiest phase. You actually see life returning to some of these poor guys at the end of it.
People fight about everything. When you're friends you just assume that the other person is a jerk about those matters and deftly avoid any drama, but in relationships people always struggle reconciling the perfect dream world that Walt Disney and Bollywood dreamed up with the rugged realities of modern day relationships.
Your boy/girlfriend is not perfect. They will fart, they will eat more and pay less, they will never be on time, they will always have a problem with your place no matter how it looks and they will always never approve of what you wear or how you look. Deal with it.
And speaking for the fraternity of single friends who have to listen to their friends in relationships - most of us don't care, the ones that do don't have the patience and the rest just need you to fix them up with someone, so quit telling us about how he/she treats you, and get a move on.
But in the end, there are couples that survive and seem to have an ounce of sense. They already know that I respect them, the ones I don't I've made it obvious to now.
What about me?
Ha :D
